All this talk about shit put me in mind of a couple of hapless Captains from
the Command Airplane Company. CAC was the fixed wing VIP unit out of Long
Thanh North that had about 35 Captains, 4 WO's a Major and a long suffering
LTC in command.
Two of the Captains were flying a MG and a COL from Long Binh, non stop to
Phu Bai. Of course the O-3's had attended the perpetual party that raged
nightly at Long Thanh and one of them (in the right seat) got an urgent call
from nature. After talking it over, it was decided that he would attempt a
deposit in a barf bag. The AC casually closed the door to the cabin and the
resembling the wing windows on older cars, on each side window in the
cockpit. Again, the pilots discussed the alternatives and decided to throw
the barf bag out the right wing window. This was accomplished with some
effort as the window is hard to open at 210 kts true. Immediately, the air
cleared and the AC slid open the cabin door and to his horror the right hand
cabin windows had turned a sickly shade of brown. For the next hour or so
of flight, the Captains went over their options and decided to just own up
to what had happened. After landing, the CP. started to the rear to let the
pax out and before he could open his mouth, the COL, laughing, said "I was
just telling the General that this was probably as close as he had ever come
to being hit in the face with a bag of shit". The General said, not
unkindly, "son I understand your problem just clean it up before I get
back". The two Captains spent the rest of the day cleaning the dried stuff
off the aircraft.
Bet the maintenance folks were real proud of them.